Reflections…Priorities…still not getting it right.

 

Didn’t know if I’d get round to writing this week, but was then suddenly inspired this morning by the wonderful John Tomsett.  His blogpost about putting family first really hit home.  https://johntomsett.com/2014/01/10/this-much-i-know-about-why-putting-your-family-first-matters/

Maybe its the long silent hours between me waking and the rest of the house stirring. Maybe its the time of year (driving to work in the dark, leaving work in the dark). Maybe it’s just the week (It’s been a tough one). Maybe it’s that my eldest is 17 as is John’s that made it resonate. Whatever it was, I sat and just and… well I just sat and this…

I have been a head for almost 3 years. For the first two years I have to be honest it consumed me. I was getting to work at seven in the morning and leaving at eight at night (I have an hours drive to add to both of those.) In some ways I became a stranger in my own home. My wife has been tolerant, supportive, encouraging… actually she has been amazing.

On Tuesday this week I was visiting another school, the meeting finished at 2:30. I almost drove back to work, but instead I just drove home. The look of surprise on my youngest’s face was both wonderful and heartbreaking in equal measures. I helped with his homework, then we snuggled and watched  Eddie The Eagle. (It’s really good, by the way, and probably a better example of growth mindset mixed with stubborn determination than many examples used.) It was lovely. It was rare. It shouldn’t be. That it’s rare is my fault.

However sat this morning, reflecting on that and John’s blog. I realise how much I’ve missed. The other three people in my home are a real unit. They share common jokes, experiences, they are used to each other, they rely on each other. They have patterns and routines (though none of them appear to involve doing the washing up). I feel outside that. I’ve put myself outside that. The sad thing is that for a lot of the time I didn’t even notice, I was so wrapped up in ‘the job’ that the other stuff just happened around me. Even when I was there often my head was more often than not, in ‘the job.’ Through my own choice I’ve missed big chunks of my family. That it stills rolls on and works is testament to my  brilliant wife. In many ways I’ve probably been more of a hinderance than a help to it working, with them constantly fitting round me.

That these three people let me still be part of this family is wonderful. Do I deserve it, I’m not so sure.

Anyway the silence is broken, it wakes, this family of mine. Almost Bagpuss like, as one wakes up so do the others. Time to be part of it before it’s too late.